"HABEMUS PRESIDENTE!"

(So it came to pass that Batch 88 member Joe Arbas. was elected the 16th President of the Fifth Philippine Republic.  Philippine Daily Inquirer Senior Correspondent and fellow classmate, Anne Jambora had the opportunity to have the first crack at a presidential interview in Malacanang.  The following are excerpts of that interview.)

AJ:  Mr. President, how are you?  (whispers, "Joe, nakulbaan baya ko.!")

President:  (whispers back, "Pareho ta, Anne!")  Ahem...  I am a little bit tired- you know, the lack of sleep during the campaign has taken its toll.  Otherwise, I am alive and kicking!  Thank you.  Hehehe...

AJ:  That's good to hear, Mr. President.  I understand that you are now in the process of filling up your cabinet posts.  Have you already decided whom to appoint to the Department of Transportation and Communication?

President:  Oh, that!  I haven't thought of that yet.  Maybe Jayrel or Jay.  Hehehe...

AJ:  You mean Jayrel Jabel or Jay Cabrera?  Our classmates?

President:  Yes, why not!  Hehehe...

AJ:  Would you care to explain why these choices?

President:  You know, Jayrel, he always brought his jeep to school.  Hehehe...  The same with Jay.  He didn't mind if his car was bursting with guys packed like sardines...  Hehehe....  Speaking of sardines, I like sardines- katong 555 nga green.  Hehehe...

AJ:  Hahaha... So you like sardines!  That's yummy!

President:  Yes, Anne.  I like "see-foods" that's why I also like to go to Boracay, Dakak and Imperial Palace!  There are a lot of 'see-foods" there!  Hehehe...

AJ:  I don't get it but anyway, let's move on to the next question.  What do you think has prepared you for the herculean task of being the President of the Philippines?

President:  I think it's my faith in God.  Hehehe...

AJ:  Can you explain, Mr. President?

President:  You know, when my wife beat me up, it was my faith in God which saw me through!  By the grace of God, I came out unscathed...  Yes.  Definitely, it is my faith in God that has prepared me for this.  Hehehe...

AJ:  Oh, my!!!  Mr. President!  Are you a hen-pecked husband?

President:  Why?  What's wrong?  Hehehe...  Nowadays, I also beat her up!!!  Hehehe...

AJ:  Mr. President!!!  Is your wife a battered wife?

President:  No, don't get me wrong.  Nothing to worry, Anne.  I beat her... er, how do I say this... o-o-o-only at night!  LOL!!!

AJ:  Why LOL?  You were using hehehe... from the top of our interview?

President:  Okay.  Hehehe...

AJ:  Ok,  That's more like it, Mr. President.

President:  Hehehe...

AJ:  Ok, Mr. President.  Moving on.  Do you have a person in mind for the Department of National Defense?

President:  I think the best person would be the leader of the Barracks People.  I will have to ask my aide to research on that.  Hehehe...

AJ:  I think that it was just a rumor, Mr. President.

President:  Anne, don't you remember?  How do rumors get started?  They're started by the Barracks People.  And so on...  Hehehe...

AJ:  I'm sorry Mr. President!  My memory eludes me.  On to the Department of Labor and Employment.  Don't tell me you are going to appoint again a classmate.  The blue collar labor force in the Philippines have been clamoring for higher wages.  What is your solution to this?

President:  Ahh...  That's a good question, Anne.  Hehehe...

AJ:  Your killing the time, Mr. President.  I think you're still thinking about your answer.

President:  Hehehe...  You went to a good journalism school!  Ok, Anne, on your first question, I have been planning to put Gary Valenciano in DOLE.  Hehehe...

AJ:  That's a very peculiar choice, Mr. President!

President:  Not at all, Anne.  You see I am a fan of Gary V. and I particularly like one of his songs called "Di bale na lang" and it got me thinking.  You see when people are financially challenged, all they have to make is make "bale" from their employers.  Gary V. was ahead of his time.  Does that answer you second question?  Hehehe...

AJ: "Bale," you mean cash advances?

President:  Were on the same plane, Anne.  Hehehe... 

AJ:    "Bale pud ka," Mr. President.  Next question.  A lot of presidents have nicknames.  Tita Cory, FVR, Erap, PGMA and recently, P-Noy.  Are you jumping into this bandwagon?

President:  A big issue thrown by my opponent during the elections was the issue whether I really graduated from college.  He was also questioning my mental capacity.  I have to emphasize that yes, I am indeed a Graduate, that's G, and I also have the Intellect to govern, that's I.  So my political opponents will not forget, I want to be called G.I. Joe!  LOL!  Oooopppsss!  Hehehe...

AJ:  But that's plagiarism, Mr. President!  G.I. Joe is protected under intellectual property rights.

President:  Plagiarism does not exist here in the Philippines.  You can ask Senator Tito Sotto.  He is an authority on that.  But hey, it's another story if I will have foreign travel.  Once I leave Philippine air space, I will cease to be called G.I. Joe.  From thenceforth, you can call me Hey Joe! LOL!

AJ:  Tsk.  Tsk.  Tsk.

President:  Hehehe...

AJ:  Mr. President, I see that you are wearing a baller band.  I can remember Erap before wearing a wrist band.  It was part of his macho image- a no-nonsense tough guy.  How about you, what image do you want to project by wearing that baller band? 

President:  Nothing.  I just got this from our 25th High School Reunion at St. Paul University of Dumaguete.  See!  It says SPUD HS 1988.  Hey, where's yours, Anne?  Hehehe...

AJ:  It's here in my bag, Mr. President.  See!  Okay, personal matters this time, Mr. President.  If I say the name of a classmate, you mention who or what he or she reminds you of, okay?

President:  Game!  Hehehe...

AJ:  Angie Umbac.

President:  Miriam Defensor Santiago.  They are both fiery.  Hehehe...

AJ:  Bernard Tia.

President:  Jayrel Jabel.  Hehehe...

AJ:  Jayrel Jabel.

President:  Bernard Tia.  I have a classic one for Jayrel but I think there might be children who are going to read this interview, so , pass. Hehehe...

AJ:  Okay.  Jorge Suasin.

President:  Papaya.  Hehehe...

AJ:  Basilio Villareal.

President:  Kabayo.  Hehehe...

AJ:  Mr. President, why kabayo?

President:  Basilio-horse, remember?  Hehehe...

AJ:  Got you, Mr. President.  Apollo Ang.

President:  Postiso!  Ahaha...  Hehehe...

AJ:  Jungie Salvador.

President:  Tuba.  Hehehe... hic!

AJ:  How about me, Mr. President?

President:  Vera Mae Ventulan.  Hehehe...

AJ:  I think you are very far off Mr. President!  Are you mocking me?  Vera Mae is so slim!

President:  No, no, no!  I am not, Anne.  Hehehe...

AJ:  Would you care to explain to me the reason for that or else I will walk out of this interview?

President:  Calm down, Anne.  I am reminded of Mae when I see you because Vera Mae Ventulan is now SO VERY YOU!  Got you that time, Anne.  Ahahaha...  hehehe...

AJ:  Hehehe...